The room is so dark, I can barely see my friends. To see better, they inch closer and closer to where i'm sitting on my couch. They keep telling me the room is getting too hot. I tell them to back off and open the window, it's not a big deal. Closer and closer and I start to panic. I can't get to the window because they are surrounding me. I push past them, going into the restaurant in the next room. Realizing I am having a panic attack, I go to the bar and ask the waitress for a glass of water. She is taking her sweet time and I am gasping for air. The manager notices me and starts yelling to his waitress to hurry up. He starts yelling at me in a foreign language. I am gasping for air, and I'm in control. I am holding onto the bar, as I am noticing I am starting to slip. It's getting difficult to hold myself up and the only thing I thought of to do was slap him. I feel myself reach over the bar, smack his stubbled round face and then I fall. I am free falling into blackness and I wake myself up.
probably not a good sign... I was so overly tired, frustrated and upset that even before I slipped into my subconscious, my body was twitching. This whole sequence happened in a span of ten minutes, too. I woke up and was afraid. Afraid of what it meant. I didn't want to go back to sleep, but knew it was inevitable. I didn't want to slip back into that nightmare, it was still so close. I played solitaire for another hour and lost at about 20 games. I wouldn't go back to sleep until I won; I needed to have some satisfaction.
It's beautiful out today. I took a long walk with my iPod. Cleared my head; reconfigured my thoughts.
